I feel so freaking suicidal now. It's a confirm everyone hates me. Nobody loves me anymore. I'll never get the chance to make everyone love me again. Because by then, I'm sure it'll be too late. I'm sure I'll be dead before that. There's no use to me living anymore.

I feel so fucking cold now. Even my tears are a source of warmth for me. Does that mean sadness is a warmth to me? Does that mean...to be happy...I have to be sad? I never wanted this fate. I never wanted to live. I never wanted to live through this hell anymore. I never wanted to be sad. I just wanted to be happy.

I thought I Was the happiest person alive. I thought my family was together as one. I thought I had the best friends in the world. I was wrong. I was so god damn wrong.
I have the worst family yet. I have the worst friends. Heck, I don't even have any. Why must the world be so cruel to me? Syahirah, is this your punishment for me? It's cruel. I can't believe my sin was  that bad. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please, let me go already. I don't want to suffer anymore. I've suffered enough. I never stopped grieving for you. I was at fault. I always am. I always was. I always will forever be at fault.

I'm at fault for breaking my family apart. If I weren't there, papa and mama would just divorce already and wouldn't have to suffer. Abang will be at peace. Zana would never be treated like a maid again. Then that will be a happy family. No one will be pissed or annoyed at me. Everything would be so much better than it is now. And maybe, Syahirah would live through it and be with them. I still wish I could have taken your place instead. Everything would be better.

I have no friends. Ain is easily pissed. Affiq doesn't understand anything. These people, who I thought were close, can never cheer me up. I always feel more lonely with them. Just leave me alone...it's so much freaking better.

Damn...I broke my own promise. I let Rui out. Now she's not going back. I miss her.
~Rinko